Surgery is tomorrow

Well, this is it.  Tomorrow is surgery day.  I can’t begin to express how scared and full of dread that I am right now.  I guess the unknown is always the worst.  It feels like my life is ending and this new life that I don’t want and wasn’t looking for is taking over.  I’m still hoping to see the good in this, because right now I don’t see any good. 

Tuesday was my last day at work.  I love the group that I work with and have, but this has made me see just how special they all are to me.  Dan and I have received so many encouraging words and cards and emails, even from people we don’t know.  So to all of you guys out there that are praying for us and thinking of us, we appreciate it!  It’s great to know that so many people care; even people that don’t know us personally.  I guess these are some good things; but is cancer necessary for that?  Seems extreme to me.

Some women that have gone thru breast cancer have said that as soon as they found out they had cancer they were more than willing to have their breast removed; and didn’t think twice about.  I wish I could feel that way; but I haven’t and don’t.  Maybe it would make all of this easier.  Maybe I’m being selfish or immature for not wanting rid of my boobs.  But they are mine and I want to keep them.  Sure I want the cancer gone, but can’t that happen without taking everything?  And the treatment after the mastectomy is even worse to think about.  Rock bottom is where I feel like I’m heading.

Hopefully this will all not be as bad as is seems right now.  It is really difficult to think that for more than a year I will be on some sort of IV treatment.  I hate going to the doctor, needles, blood, IV’s and all that stuff.  I am a noodle and I don’t care to say it! 

Even though all this sucks and I hate every bit of it, I still have things to be thankful for and I’m trying not to lose sight of that.  I have a wonderful husband that loves me and has been so strong for me.  I have the best friends in the world that have called to check on me and have lifted my spirits by just being around.  I have a family that loves me and has been my support, too.  Our church family that has been more than willing to take care of us in any way needed.  It’s easy for me to shut all these out though and just focus on what is wrong. 

I don’t want cancer to change who I am; unless it is something good (which is possible).  I don’t want to lose my since of humor and ability to laugh.  I don’t want it to take the joy out of my life and make me bitter or angry or resentful.  I don’t want it to not let me laugh or make jokes.  I guess it will be up to me to make sure that I don’t allow that to happen. Like Dan has said, I need to not let cancer be in control.  Today it feels like it is in control. 

— Holly Thompson

14 Comments

  1. Holly –
    It has only been as of late that I’ve realized something; the Lord has a funny way of loving me. It’s not necessarily how I’d want Him to do it and the answers to my prayers sometimes leave me scratching my head. But rest in this – He’s in control.

    You guys are in so many people’s thoughts and prayers and most importantly you’re in God’s hands. I’m confident you’re going to do great and I know Dan will definitely keep your spirits up.

    A friend passed an essay along to me the other day and a specific quote stood out: “In God’s miraculous deliverance from bad circumstances we sense his goodness, but in the pain that precedes we sense his nearness.” (here’s the whole essay: http://www.internetmonk.com/archive/dining-in-the-valley)

    You’re going to do great. -RS

  2. Holly you have been on my mind all day today as I try to imagine what you must be thinking, feeling and the emotions that seem so unreal. I have been praying today, eveytime that I think of you. Be encouraged that so many people are praying for you now and in the days ahead. God loves you more than we do, He will take care of you.

  3. Holly, my heart hurts for you…but I can tell you that I have seen God’s miracles in my own family and I know that He is still in the miracle performing business and I’m claiming His promises for you as well. It’s perfectly okay for you to feel the way you do, but at the same time, knowing there’s One who is mightier than any form of cancer is comforting. I will be praying for you and Dan tomorrow and in the days ahead. Much love goes out to you both.

  4. Again, you don’t know me. But I am moved by your story. Right now, there are only one set of footprints in the sand because Jesus is carrying you through this. You are going to be ok. People world wide are praying for you.

  5. Hey Thompsons!

    You both will do great tomorrow. It is an adjustment but not surrender. There’s a whole lot of us in your corner cheering you on. Take care and comfort in knowing that we all will be thinking and praying for you both tomorrow.

  6. Holly,
    Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you tomorrow and through out the recovery & treatment process, however long it takes…God is going to give you the strength to get thru this, just like He’s given to so many of us when going thru things we just couldn’t understand or go thru on our own. Please keep us posted on how you are doing.

  7. Holly,
    I work with your sister Lora at Blount Memorial and I have been on the scavenger hunts at Tremont and that is where I have come to know you.
    I am so sorry that this has happen to you…I want you to know that I will be among the many who will be praying for you and and Dan tomorrow as you go through this surgery and recovery. Remember that you can do this…that He will give you the strength that you need to make it another day and another one and another one until one day you will look back and say, “I was stronger than I thought I was”! Hang in there and lean on the love that surrounds you!

  8. Thinking of you BOTH! Holly, it didn’t take cancer for me to think about you…only, sadly, to actually write for the first time back when you first started blogging about the cancer. “Meeting” Dan through the Australia job thing, I was reminded that strangers can be so wonderful. I knew then that his wife was most likely as great as he is and I’ve seen proof of it through reading his FB posts and seeing pictures of you guys volunteering in other countries!!

    You may think the cancer has control, but we ALL know better. You’re gonna give it a huge smack in the face before this all through! I’m proud of you for blogging!

  9. Holly, I don’t know you, but I do know Mary Singleton & she has put out a call for prayer warriors on your behalf! So you have my prayers & I’ll specifically pray that you will feel peaceful & not anxious before the surgery. God bless you!

  10. You don’t know me from Eve, but God has really given me a heart to send you a message tonight.

    After going through thyroid cancer several years ago, I can somewhat relate to how you’re feeling about a part of you no longer being a part of you. It can feel like rock bottom, but those have been the times I have felt closer to Jesus than any other.

    I will be praying for the Lord to be the surgeon’s hands tomorrow and for His perfect will to be done. Remember that through all of this, Satan cannot take from you what you refuse to give Him. Keep your joy in the Lord and rest in His arms.

    Although I still cry when I hear this song, it brings me back to a place of full and complete surrender to God’s will for my life and His promises that His power is perfected in my weakness, and EVERYTHING that happens in my life can be used to glorify Him.

    May this misery you’re walking through someday become your ministry, allowing you to be “God with skin on” to other women who are sharing your struggle, and may He bless you with other amazing women to help you get through it.

    In His Amazing and Perfect Love,
    Lisa G.

    @}—,—‘—

    Bring the Rain, Mercy Me
    ——————————
    I can count a million times
    People asking me how I
    Can praise You
    with all that I’ve gone through
    The question just amazes me
    Can circumstances possibly
    Change who I forever am in You

    Maybe since my life was changed
    Long before these rainy days
    It’s never really ever crossed my mind
    To turn my back on you, oh Lord
    My only shelter from the storm
    But instead I draw closer through these times

    So I pray

    Bring me joy, bring me peace
    Bring the chance to be free
    Bring me anything that brings You glory
    And I know there’ll be days
    When this life brings me pain
    But if that’s what it takes to praise You
    Jesus, bring the rain

    I am Yours regardless of
    The dark clouds that may loom above
    Because You are much greater than my pain
    You who made a way for me
    By suffering Your destiny
    So tell me what’s a little rain

    So I pray

    Bring me joy, bring me peace
    Bring the chance to be free
    Bring me anything that brings You glory
    And I know there’ll be days
    When this life brings me pain
    But if that’s what it takes to praise You
    Jesus, bring the rain

    Holy, holy, holy
    Holy, holy, holy
    Is the Lord God Almighty
    Is the Lord God Almighty

  11. I saw a link to your story on the No Silence Here blog. Best of luck to you with your surgery and recovery. You’re making the best decision possible for you and your specific situation. I’ll keep you both in my prayers.

  12. Dan & Holly
    I’m so proud of the honest and the blogs this is so good for you both to exspress what has all consumed your worls.
    I’m most pround of my little Holly to take this and try to be brave and today all I could think about at work was my Holly is in surgery.
    Once I got the e-mail she came out it felt like 50 pounds was removed from me.
    Holly for those who do and dont’ know her has big heart in that small body and I can truly say is my best friend. I love you and pray for strenth every day for you and Dan!!!

  13. Holly and Dan:
    Wishing you courage through this passage and a speedy recovery. You are in thoughts and prayers circling the globe. So grateful for your honest and generous spirits, willing to share. I’m a friend of Don and Janet and yet I feel you are family. Much love to you both!!

  14. I love you, Holly. “God says you’re gonna make it; you’re gonna make it ’cause the Master’s on board.” (lyrics to a song)

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