Decisions, decisions

We wrapped up all final appointments as of today. All the tests are done. I got good news with the gene testing; I tested negative for the breast cancer gene. I really didn’t know this was good news to start with. I was so convinced that I had the gene that it was a shock when they said I didn’t. This is really great news. It means that I don’t have added worry about ovarian cancer. The appointment to discuss the results on the test was a huge waste of time, though. It was really just a bunch of statistical information that I could have read on my own.

We met the 3rd plastic surgeon yesterday. He didn’t take measurements or pictures like the other two plastic surgeons did. After talking about it today, we have removed him from the list of potentials. I don’t have any other appointments until Thursday (7/8). That will be the appointment that we ask our final questions, and then tell them what course of action we want to take.

The logical course would be a double mastectomy with immediate reconstructive surgery. It makes sense. I’m 33, healthy, don’t have the breast cancer gene, but I have breast cancer. I’m sure I’m going to make it thru this and cancer is not going to defeat me. By removing both breasts I am reducing the chance of recurrence by 90% or more. I would also remove the worry and fear that would come every time the healthy breast is screened. It seems a simple decision, but it’s not. To reason thru it, it is simple, but to say it out loud it is painful. I don’t want to tell anyone to remove both of my breasts.
Breast cancer for me has become a cancer. It has consumed my thoughts and my life. Even though we have tried to have “normal” days, it’s impossible to completely erase it from my mind. There are small moments that it isn’t present in, but then it’s right back. It has radically changed my plans for the next several months (or longer). I feel like I’ve been robbed of the joy that I had. I want to stop thinking about cancer and what it’s going to do to our lives. I haven’t figured out how to do that just yet. Maybe time will be the answer to this problem.

I haven’t lost sight of the fact that I have an awesome support system. Dan is (and always has been) a huge blessing in my life. Not just Dan, but my family and my friends, too. It has been a real eye-opener to see just how much and how many people care about us.

– Holly Thompson

6 Comments

  1. My thoughts and prayers are with you every step of the way. I lost my mom to colon cancer, and i am all for kicking cancer’s butt! I can’t imagine what you are going through, or what my mom did internally, for that matter.

  2. Our thoughts and prayer go out to you and Dan as you make some of the toughest decisions of your life. Praying that God will lead you through each one and that you will have peace after the decisions are made. You have been in my thoughts all day today and in my prayers.

  3. Since reading your blog, I have become in awe of you, Holly. I’m sure it would be hard to believe that you are handling this well because you do think about it constantly, but the fact that you are so togehter about the whole thing speaks volumes! That will be a major contributor in your healing! Someday, I’ll be working my way across the US (it’s a dream of mine) and I plan to make meeting you and Dan part of the itinerary :-)

  4. Holly, I just wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I’m very thankful that you do have a great support system. Like you, I am confident that you will beat this and not only survive, but thrive. You’ve had a great role model in your mom with her battle already. It seems your blog is all about your and Dan’s adventures…this is another one, though unexpected and not pleasant. I am confident that you two will grow even closer and be that much more ready for your next “planned” adventure in the future. I wish you peace and confidence in the decision you make and strength and comfort for the recovery ahead.

  5. My heart breaks for you and Dan and this “monster” you face. God is greater than breast cancer and I’m confident that He’ll see you through. These words to a song bring me comfort at difficult times. “God is too wise to be mistaken; God is too good to be unkind so when you don’t understand, when you don’t know His plan, when you can’t trace His hand trust His heart.” I pray for peace for you as you make this decision.

  6. We are praying that God will give you an extra measure of strength, comfort and peace as you go to the doctor tomorrow. We love you so much.

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