We wrapped up all final appointments as of today. All the tests are done. I got good news with the gene testing; I tested negative for the breast cancer gene. I really didn’t know this was good news to start with. I was so convinced that I had the gene that it was a shock when they said I didn’t. This is really great news. It means that I don’t have added worry about ovarian cancer. The appointment to discuss the results on the test was a huge waste of time, though. It was really just a bunch of statistical information that I could have read on my own.
We met the 3rd plastic surgeon yesterday. He didn’t take measurements or pictures like the other two plastic surgeons did. After talking about it today, we have removed him from the list of potentials. I don’t have any other appointments until Thursday (7/8). That will be the appointment that we ask our final questions, and then tell them what course of action we want to take.
The logical course would be a double mastectomy with immediate reconstructive surgery. It makes sense. I’m 33, healthy, don’t have the breast cancer gene, but I have breast cancer. I’m sure I’m going to make it thru this and cancer is not going to defeat me. By removing both breasts I am reducing the chance of recurrence by 90% or more. I would also remove the worry and fear that would come every time the healthy breast is screened. It seems a simple decision, but it’s not. To reason thru it, it is simple, but to say it out loud it is painful. I don’t want to tell anyone to remove both of my breasts.
Breast cancer for me has become a cancer. It has consumed my thoughts and my life. Even though we have tried to have “normal” days, it’s impossible to completely erase it from my mind. There are small moments that it isn’t present in, but then it’s right back. It has radically changed my plans for the next several months (or longer). I feel like I’ve been robbed of the joy that I had. I want to stop thinking about cancer and what it’s going to do to our lives. I haven’t figured out how to do that just yet. Maybe time will be the answer to this problem.
I haven’t lost sight of the fact that I have an awesome support system. Dan is (and always has been) a huge blessing in my life. Not just Dan, but my family and my friends, too. It has been a real eye-opener to see just how much and how many people care about us.
– Holly Thompson