Treatment decisions have been made

After meeting with 2 oncologists we have decided on the more aggressive treatment.  Both doctors stated I would have to be on Herceptin for a year, so that was not different and both said the same type of chemo drugs (Taxotere and Carboplatin).  We did have to choose between 4 rounds or 6 rounds of chemo to be given once every 3 weeks.  It was really hard to not let my emotions make that decision and just take the 4 and be done.  The more I thought about it and the more we talked it out made us decide on 6 rounds of chemo.  Basically all the studies show that 6 rounds works for the cancer I have.  The thought of cancer coming back is a haunting thought, but the thought of having done 4 rounds of chemo and cancer coming back is worse.  I think I would never forgive myself for not just doing 6 rounds at the time and I would feel like, what if I had done 6 rounds and not 4… would cancer have come back?  Not to say that even after 6 it couldn’t happen, but I want to feel like I’ve done everything I can to keep this from happening again.  Ultimately, that is not in my control, but I will do what I can now to lower my chances.

Chemo will be starting on September 13 and my last treatment will be December 27 (if all goes according to plan).  This is the part of cancer that I dread most of all.  I’m scared.  I hate the unknown and that’s most of what chemo is.  I do know that I’ll lose my hair.  I will feel rundown to some degree; I just don’t know how badly.  I don’t know how emotional the hair loss and fatigue will be; though just thinking about the hair part is enough to make me cry.  I don’t know how my tastes will change with food or how my skin and nails will do and everything else that goes with this.  Everyone is different and has different experiences with chemo, but I’m just plain scared to death.  Could someone just wake me when this is over?

I did make it thru my first week back at work.  It’s a blessing to have co-workers that are friends, too.  They are so special and I really appreciate how much they have cared for me thru all of this.  The day of my surgery they all wore their “Fight Like a Girl” shirts and took a picture and short video and sent to me.  They are currently doing a fund raiser at work to raise money for the “Race for the Cure”.  Being at work is a little bit of normal for me before chemo starts and I’m going to enjoy each day there.

Today my family gave me a “hat party”.  That was an incredible thing!  I have so many cute hats and scarves now.  It was a bitter sweet experience.  I love what they did, but I hate why they had to do it.  I am thankful that I’ll have plenty to choose from over the next several months, though!  It’s really great to have so much love and support.  I don’t think that anyone can realize how important family and friends are until they are in a position to be so dependent on them.  I know I didn’t until recently.  

– Holly Thompson

6 Comments

  1. Holly, you are such an inspiration – even in your weakness, you’ve proved strong. And it’s okay for you to be scared. I can’t imagine not being scared. I just read your blog and cry. I pray that the chemo will go smoothly and have as few side effects as possible. Just put on your cute little hats/scarves, “fight like a girl” and know there are people who love you and are praying for you all over the place.

  2. Holly, you are just one awesome gal. My heart hurts for you and all that you are going through, the unknown is the scary part. I wish I could do something to make it better or take some of these treatments for you. I don’t know what to say to take away your fears, I can say that I will be praying for you and send you encouragement along the way. You have so much love and support you will make it through the days ahead.

  3. I felt happy when I saw the video Dan posted about the mama bear and her cubs. It was great to know that you are still getting out, living life and not letting the stress get you down. It would be so easy to do that and no one could even fault you for it! I’m sure it will be harder to find that energy during the chemo rounds, but stay strong like you have been and if you can’t sometimes, know that it’s OK not be! We’re all thinking of you :-)

  4. Holly, thank you so much for sharing your blog.I agree with Linda–that even in a place of weakness and fear and the unknown…you’ve proved so strong. I am so glad that you have felt the love of others surrounding you and lifting you up. I’m glad you and Dan have come to a decision….what a hard choice. We will be praying for you through the unknowns and whatever comes next. Love to you both.

  5. Thanks for the update. I have been praying for you during this decision making process. I know you made the right decision. Taxotere is the drug I had, but it was paired with Cytoxan, not Carboplatin. I can get you a number you can call to be paired over the phone with a survivor that had that exact pair of drugs and she can discuss side effects with you. Although as you said, everyone’s different. Let me know if you want the 800#. I used it and they call you the same day or next. Keep your chin up and email when you can! Hugs, Lisa

  6. The decision part being made, you can move on with confidence knowing that you have made the best decision you could, based on all the information you have and that doctors have. Now the trust part starts. You are moving one step at a time as you have light to move. That is all that’s necessary. Remember that God sees over this “mountain” and sees the end result even though you can’t. Trust Him. I love you. Janet

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>